Sassy Chap Games has come out of the blocks flying with the release of Date Everything, a sandbox dating simulator that is completely bizarre and near-impossible to put down.
With a stacked cast of voice actors, some incredible puns, and an easy-to-pick-up approach, Date Everything has immediately secured a place in my heart.
Date Everything Review
The premise of Date Everything is exactly like the title says. Armed with a pair of aviator sunglasses, Date-viators so to speak, a strange power is bestowed upon you that uncovers the personalities of inanimate objects around your home.
This includes everything from a toilet to existential dread, each teeming with personality and expertly brought to life by a voice cast that includes the likes of Laura Bailey and Steve Blum.
The Date-viators have a daily charge of energy, requiring you to pick and choose who to target—a task made harder when you quickly unveil a short quest where they ask you to complete a task, often involving speaking to another character, and returning the next day.
True to form, I immediately developed a bond with my Date-viators (Skylar and Connie), my gaming console, all of whom look fantastic, though I also enjoyed the not-so-subtle flirting from my bed, of all things.
The dialogue options you select influence your relationship with each dateable. Connie lapped it up when I helped her through a hard level, while Skylar didn’t like my suggestion of actual physical intimacy with a piece of furniture.
I’ve barely scratched the surface of all that Date Everything has to offer, as while my Date-A-Dex is stacking up nicely, I’ve got to put in more of a grind to achieve relationship statuses with several characters.
For now, I’m fully in the friend zone with the majority, although my toilet is starting to dislike me, and it seems like I’m going to have my first ‘hate’ relationship. That’s right, if you choose to, you can be a complete grouch and opt to ‘hate everything’ instead.
I can’t quite bring myself to have arguments with the furniture in my house, though, as that is just a bit too strange in my eyes, and I’m deep into my quest of being BFFs with everything from the toaster to the dust bunny hiding behind the couch.
Date Everything Review Verdict
Date Everything is pretty much everything you’d want in a game, offering fun, replayability, and, for those like me who don’t have the time to commit to long gaming sessions anymore, it’s easy to jump in and out of as required.
The biggest asset is the characters themselves, who are written brilliantly and sound even better with perfectly matched voice actors, though the downside is that whenever I look at my towel again, I’m going to hear voices in my head.
If you ever see me mumbling to a wall or a window, Date Everything is the reason why.
Date Everything
10
